All posts by durough

Book Review: The Myth of a Christian Nation: How the Quest for Political Power is Destroying the Church, by Gregory A. Boyd

The Myth of a Christian NationGregory A. Boyd’s The Myth of a Christian Nation: How the Quest for Political Power is Destroying the Church is a must-read for those who still believe the United States of America was and/or is a “Christian nation,” and still a great read for anyone who wants to look deeper into “American Christianity.” Here are a few major considerations on which Boyd writes:

 

  • Kingdom of the Sword vs. Kingdom of the Cross
  • Whose nation is holy?
  • Warlord Conquerors vs. Sacrificial Witnesses
  • Fallacious presuppositions in “taking America back for God,” “a Christian nation,” and “one nation under God.”
  • Violence vs. Pacifism

 

Before this summer (2015) I had spent about ten months with my former church working through political theology, emphasizing the need to be and working first from the perspective and position of citizens of the kingdom of God. It was a great time, full of diverse backgrounds and opinions as we wrestled with history, scripture, and a plethora of contexts. Boyd’s book was on my shelf the entire time, but it was just one of many in my library waiting to be cracked open. Had I read it beforehand, I certainly would have used it as a group study. There are great discussion questions for each chapter at the end of the book to aid readers in wrestling with Boyd’s postulations, with which I will go ahead and say I agree. One may really appreciate his final chapter, wherein he addresses tough questions some readers would likely pose. It’s always nice to see an author continuing to honestly wrestle with his own tough convictions.

I do wish there had been a section on the importance of better understanding the way laws work, how they are or are not enforced (sometimes rendering them ineffective and pointless), legal rights, what “freedom” really is, and from whom we really receive these things. Boyd does briefly touch on a few of these, but not near enough given his main thesis. Perhaps just one more chapter would have rounded it out a bit better. However, I still highly recommend this one and hope to be able to use it in another group setting!

Book Review: Q&A a Day for Creatives: 365 Questions, 4 Years, 1,460 Sketches: 4-Year Journal, by Potter Style

Q&A a Day for CreativesPotter Style, known for their interesting journals and quirky books related to games and literature, present their latest: Q&A a Day for Creatives, a four-year journal of a sketch-a-day with short bits of inspiration. Here’s how it’s laid out: Every page follows the solar calendar and contains an inspirational text and four 3.75”x3.75” (roughly) squares with “20_ _” in the bottom-left corner of each square. The idea is that one may begin anywhere in the calendar (say, the day you buy it), jot down the rest of the year in the first square (“2015”), read the text (September 15 reads, “What if you had to wear a disguise today? Picture it here.”), sketch whatever comes to mind, and repeat for four years, each year seeing those previous while sketching in the next square. (If you’re as curious as I am, you’ll quickly find that there is a page for February 29 with four squares. I say just fill them all in on that special day!) It’s certainly a neat idea to break up your day with a fresh idea and sketch to keep the brain going and seeing how one changes through the years. I like the idea, and I’m interested in seeing what comes from continued use.

With all that in mind, I’m a little disappointed in the paper used in this book intended for creative sketching. Crayons and colored pencil may do well, and graphite is fine on most paper but often smudges onto the opposite page. Any liquids (e.g., water color, pen & ink, etc.) should be avoided since the paper is too thin. Even using a normal felt or ballpoint pen is going to show through the other side if it doesn’t outright bleed through. So, keep this in mind if you’re looking for something to really have fun with. I’m probably going to stick with a simple, gel ink, ballpoint pen throughout.

 

*I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.

Book Review: Reading Revelation Responsibly: Uncivil Worship and Witness: Following the Lamb Into the New Creation, by Michael J. Gorman

Reading Revelation ResponsiblyMichael J. Gorman’s Reading Revelation Responsibly: Uncivil Worship and Witness: Following the Lamb Into the New Creation proposes exactly that: read Revelation well (stop taking symbols literally), worship and be a witness of the Lord (not governments, and be especially mindful of those that co-opt Christianity and claim to be the mighty savior), and follow the Lamb (imitate him by being nonviolent and sacrificial—lay down your life, don’t take others’) into the New Creation (there will be a new creation!). “Yes” on all fronts!

Gorman briefly describes several ways people read and interpret the last book in our canon, noting some of the problems that arise and unhealthy conclusions thereby taken from the text. He helpfully explains not only what we know of apocalyptic writing, but that the book of Revelation is actually a collection of genres: apocalypse, prophecy, and letter, as well as being both liturgical and political. There’s a lot going on here, and it cannot be simplified into one narrow way of interpreting the entire text—certainly not a literal approach (e.g., 1,000 years does not mean a literal 1,000 years). We are reminded that the sacrificial Lamb is the central image of the drama, and that when the Lord comes with sword in mouth (not in hand!) his robes are already bloodied—his own blood from already conquering evil through sacrificing himself!

Revelation is about worshiping the true Lord and living that out (discipleship). It’s not all about either what was (the Roman empire) or will be (a blueprint for the “end times”), but encouragement for us in the end times (between Jesus’ ascension and future return) while we live as witnesses of the Lord. Empires will rise and fall, but freedom, salvation, and truth are in Lamb!

I highly recommend this one. It may be particularly helpful for those who currently find themselves in the hermeneutical camp of dispensationalism.

Aside: I read the book in Kindle format, which has no page numbers and is sometimes a bit clunky in the formatting.

Book Review: After Virtue (3rd Edition), by Alasdair MacIntyre

After VirtueThis is one of those books that I’ve had for several years, really wanted to read, but kept putting off to get through some easier reads. It took me a few days to get through this dense work of philosophy, but I am blessed to have finally completed Alasdair MacIntyre’s After Virtue (3rd ed.). I’ve had concerns and suspicions for years as to the foundations of moral arguments, particularly those of political establishments, but did not have the philosophical and historical background with which to articulate those concerns beyond simple observations of impractical and illogical teleological claims (or lack thereof). Without being well read in Aristotle, Nietzsche, Sartre, Hume, Hegel, Hobbes, Marx, and many others, some of us are unable to fully appreciate and adequately assess MacIntyre’s arguments; so, we are left having to trust that MacIntyre has himself fairly and honestly done so with other philosophers. I do; and still lacking in this area, I am going to piggyback on MacIntyre with this one.

MacIntyre, a self-proclaimed Aristotelian, ultimately argues that Aristotle was wrong in his approach to morality, but that his arguments can be (are) broken down and restated to express a proper view. Basically, MacIntyre corrects Aristotle and helps us understand modern morality and the faults of arguments therein. This is an eye-opener; however, now thirty-four years since its first publication, it seems we still have a long way to go from academia to expressing these things in a way that pragmatically appeals to the general populous in order to make any kind of real change in the way we approach morality, virtue, and governance by way of such arguments.

I think I am right to assume this isn’t going to be on most people’s reading list, and even fewer will get excited enough about the material to do anything with it. So, I am going to make specific recommendations with this one. If you are or anticipate finding yourself working in any of the following fields, read and wrestle with this book: ethics, law, philosophy, politics, theology.

Book Review: Apartment Therapy: Complete + Happy Home, by Maxwell Ryan & Janel Leban, Photographs by Melanie Acevedo

Apartment Therapy: Complete + Happy HomeI picked up Apartment Therapy: Complete and Happy Home by Maxwell Ryan and Janel Laban because I thought it was going to be a helpful book for getting ideas for apartments; you know, those places where you have little decision in floor plans, can’t really change appliances, can’t paint walls, etc. Basically, I was really excited about the “Apartment Therapy” part. Though most wouldn’t know it, I do like interior design—the artist in me can’t not care about it. I tend to lean in the practical, functional, and economical (#cheap #poor), so I was hoping for some ideas in aesthetic appeal with my frugality. Well, “Apartment Therapy” is a company (see the website of the same name), not the leading title of this book. So, approach it as the follow: Complete and Happy Home: Some Helpful Tips and Inspiring Picture for the Wealthy, Brought to You by Apartment Therapy. Yes, my dreams were dashed, and my humble apartment will likely benefit very little from this book. That said, let’s move on to some substance.

The authors went around the world looking at different homes and apartments and used a collection thereof as examples of different kinds of spaces, styles, etc. in this beautifully organized and bound book (seriously, I really like how this hefty hardback looks and feels). They begin with some general tips on where one may begin with determining his or her own style (home type, style, color schemes, etc.). (Minor peeve: In the first few pages, someone forgot to put the image layers below the text layers in the page layout, so some paragraph text gets cut off and is not visible. Oops!) These offerings are extremely general and sometimes pigeonholed, but the reader isn’t really expected to run with them as they are. One is encouraged to determine his or her style according to what makes one happy (that’s often emphasized throughout). So, one must prepare to do more research after getting a few insights from this book.

Complete and Happy Home is broadly divided into three parts: setting up your home, living in your home, and maintaining you home. The latter section is surprisingly encouraging and helpful! I particularly appreciate the brief “year-round healthy & happy home calendar” (278–81). It offers a sentence or two on what to do each month in the following areas: clean, maintain, let go, decorate, and enjoy. Good stuff that may find its way being copied into my actual calendar.

The book is a bit too general in its tips and too specific in its examples for my preference, but I do want emphasize that it’s my preference that gets in the way of my appreciating this book more than others might. Someone else may love it. Though there are tips on saving money and repurposing things, those on a tight budget won’t benefit quite as much from this read. (Note to authors, publisher, etc.: Consider making one of these for those who tend to live like college students even when approaching their 40s? Thanks!)

One final note: Melanie Acevedo did a great job with the photography, the bulk of the book’s real estate. If nothing else, this could be a helpful coffee table book in a waiting room for people to browse and perhaps feel a little inspired. That’s likely where my copy will end up. Kudos, Melanie!

 

*I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.

Church, Life Groups, and Family: Be Fruitful and Multiply

What is the relationship between life groups and churches, and what is their purpose?

First, let’s begin by defining some terms in contemporary, Christian language:

  • Church: A group of Christians committed to one another in worship and service to God meeting together on a regular basis (usually every Sunday).
  • Life Group (also known as a cell group, small group, etc.): A group of people committed to one another in worship and service to God meeting together on a regular basis.

What?

Right. This is why some people don’t really care for life groups, and why some life groups don’t really care for “church”: They are seemingly identical. So, how do we differentiate between the two? Hierarchical language may help one to understand the order of the two (a life group is a subgroup of a church), but that’s often not very satisfactory in determining whether they are practically and functionally distinct. After all, if they are not, why do we care to have both? Wow, that’s a great question! I know, right?!

Since we’re all brothers and sisters in Christ—we’re all part of a family in this kingdom of God—let’s approach the subject in relational terms, or more specifically, familial terms.

The universal inclusion of all Christians is referred to as the body of Christ, which is often referred to as the universal (catholic, not to be confused with “Catholic”) church (gathering or assembly). We all stem from Adam, so we’re already “family” in one sense, but we take another step by being connected through the promise of Abraham in the messianic king and lord of all, Jesus, through whom we are all children of God and a collective bride by the shedding of his blood. (Yes, we are “blood” relatives!) So, think of this universal family as the extended family you sometimes hear about but more likely than not have no real connection—your fourth cousin twice removed, the great grandmother of your uncle by marriage, and that one branch in the tree no one really wants to claim: they’re all family, even if you’ve never met them.

Then there’s the extended family you see sometimes at Thanksgiving, Christmas, family reunions, and the like. This can be quite large or quite small, all depending on the family dynamic and number of twigs on the branches. For me, this would have included grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, siblings, nephews, and nieces. For you, there may be “greats” thrown in the mix, or those “seconds” and “thirds” that most of us don’t even understand. For some it’s as simple as a single parent and maybe a sibling. The point is, our close extended family is really going to vary in size, but we have a relatively closer relationship with and have at least an inkling of what’s going in in the lives of this particular family group. This is your local church! And just like there’s often a few matriarchs and patriarchs who tend to set the pace and guide these families and events, we have shepherds who guide the flock of the church.

For really small families, that’s often where the depth of intimacy ends. There is no smaller grouping within the family; there is no smaller gathering within the church. There are a number of reasons for this, but figuring that out isn’t the point of this particular discussion.

For many of us, though, there’s a big difference between the extended family with whom we watch football on Thanksgiving and our immediate family with whom we tend to live much of our lives. We’re a smaller family within the larger family. This is the life group of a church. And just as our immediate families tend to have one or two who lead the family, the same can be said for these small subgroups of our churches.

My immediate family included two parents, a brother, and two sisters for the earliest part of my life. However, a time came when we all got married, had our own families, and were too big for the roost. (There’s a lot that can be said here about adoption and the inclusion of those who become part of our “family” outside the scope of blood and a legal system, but I’ll let you work through those connections on your own!) We eventually had different needs, goals, and directions. We had to split.

What?!

Now, you know no one ever says that when families multiply, divide, and continue to multiply. That doesn’t mean we’re no longer family and don’t talk to one another, but it does mean our focus shifted more on our own families and social circles. Such is the case with these subgroups in churches! Some of us get really comfortable with the same group of people and never want to grow in numbers and never want to split. That happens. But we hope that somewhere there is this kind of growth, division, and multiplication, all for the sake of the kingdom of God!

So, division can be a good thing, especially when it leads to multiplication. That’s what God expected from creation in the beginning, and I think we can apply the same principle to the church.

So, are you saying we have life groups within life groups? Does a church have a church that has a church that has a church?

Okay, you’ve found where the analogy starts to break down a bit. Remember, not all families are the same, and not all local churches are the same. This is okay (really!). They’re going to do things differently and at different paces. Here’s what I think we can take away from the family analogy from this point on:

People groups can grow to the point where there is no real connection between smaller groups or individuals. Even when smaller groups have deep relationships, they are utterly disconnected from the majority of the larger population. At some point a decision needs to be made regarding quantity, quality, depth of relationship, and whatever else you want to name that becomes a factor in the life (and quality thereof!) of the given people group. Our churches will need to work through these same dilemmas. There may come a time when there are so many life groups (or people in general) that a new local church is birthed from them. This is good division leading to an increase in the kingdom! There’s always room for heartbreak, mourning, and a number of levels of sadness, just as there is when kids move out, get married, and even move to the other side of the world—parents will be parents, and kids will be kids. This is part of life, this is part of families, and this is part of the universal church. But there is also rejoicing and celebration at new births and seeing kids out on their own (especially when responsibility for them has been lifted, right?)! This, too, is part of life, families, and the universal church.

You still didn’t answer my question about churches having churches…

Well, I did…kinda. Jesus is the head of his body, the church. I don’t think local churches should be over or have other local churches—I just don’t see that kind of hierarchy as necessary or prescribed in Scripture, if you’re looking for that. So, just as my parents still speak into my life, they only lead and guide in so far as I allow and accept it. But the amazing thing is that I am able to speak into their lives, as well! We have a common goal in glorifying God and mutual respect as adults. This, too, is how I believe our local congregations should work together in the larger family.

Our churches should be living entities pulsating with the desire to heat up, grow, and multiply, just as our families do. If we don’t multiply, a part of the family eventually dies off. Our churches are no different.

May God continue to bless you, your churches, and your churches yet to come!

Book Review: The Complete Guide to Self-Publishing Comics: How to Create and Sell Comics, Manga, and Webcomics, by Comfort Love and Adam Withers

The Complete Guide to Self-Publishing ComicsYes, this is quite a departure from my usual genre of review, but when I found The Complete Guide to Self-Publishing Comics: How to Create and Sell Comics, Manga, and Webcomics by Comfort Love and Adam Withers was available, I was transported to a time in my childhood when I made magic. Well, at least I thought I made magic! There are a number of “how to” self-publishing books out there, but this one caught my eye. I haven’t really kept up with comics in quite a number of years, but I am familiar with some of the latest trends in publishing and marketing, especially given the way the boom in webcomics. So, I was really interested in what this comic-making, married couple had to offer. They did not disappoint!

There is a boatload of information here for those who are interested in creating a comic for the first time, or for those who needs some pointers in an already well-developed process. They won’t tell you what to write, draw, or publish, but they sure give you enough of the “how” to set you on as smooth a path as possible with plenty of appropriate hazard signs along the way. Want to know what’s most important in a comic? They’ve got you covered? What should you research as a writer? How far ahead should you plan? Why should an artist know publishing dimensions? What’s so important about hue and saturation for a colorist? How do I create a flat color layer in Photoshop again? How many copies should I print in a first-run and how? Why can’t I be an angry, self-entitled curmudgeon at conventions? Yup, it’s all here. Big, glossy pages, pictures, examples, and a “Pro Tip” from a host of comic industry veterans on about every other page are all here to help you on your way to comic fame (or at least a load of frustrating fun and hard work)! And if you still want more, check out comfortandadam.com for more self-publishing guides.

I definitely recommend this guide for anyone seriously considering a life in comics.

 

*I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.

Book Review: Rise: Bold Strategies to Transform Your Church, by Cally Parkinson with Nancy Scammacca Lewis

RiseI chose to review Rise: Bold Strategies to Transform Your Church by Cally Parkinson and Nancy Scammacca Lewis because I’ve always been skeptical of a lot of statistical data and any “plug & chug” Christian programming meant to “fix” a church. I wanted something to challenge those notions, and hoped this might be that book. It was certainly more than I expected and quite helpful!

REVEAL researchers took survey material from 727 churches from different areas of the USA, different denominations, and different cultures (this is all charted and explained in an appendix), all between 2008 and 2010 (churches involved in surveys from years pre-2008 were tossed because they did not include what turned out to be some key questions) and pulled from it eight archetypes in which most American congregations find themselves: troubled, complacent, extroverted, average, introverted, self-motivated, energized, and vibrant. Each of these is explained with charts, typical symptoms, and model case studies of participating churches—where they were, what they changed, and where they landed a few years later. There is then a final chapter that offers ways in which churches may grow in a number of areas that were assessed.

I found the information quite helpful because its generalizations are offered as starting points—the authors even explain where a church might have secondary, or “shadow” archetypes (e.g., a primarily extroverted church may be tend to be energized or average). Before offering ways in which churches may use this information, the authors provide this honest and helpful statement: “Our sole caveat is to begin with a cautious and sincere reminder that we do not pretend to be capable of advising your own particular, individual church. Only you and your fellow leaders, in concert with God’s wisdom and mercy, can truly discern the best “next step” to help your people grow closer to Christ” (153–4).

The reader may not agree with how some of the particulars were put together and may still remain skeptical about how one may be certain of the accuracy of surveys, a Spiritual Vitality Index (SVI), etc. (I’ll probably always remain in that boat!), but when used as a base, at least as far as I can tell, typical American churches are quite likely to find themselves in one of the archetypes and able to use that as a starting point in determining where they may or may not want to begin making changes in order to be better disciples of Christ.

I’m surprising myself with this recommendation, but here it is: I believe this can be a helpful resource for church leaders to have in their libraries, perhaps revisiting it every couple years or so to reassess things.

 

*This book was provided by Tyndale House Publishers for review. I was not required to write a positive review, nor was I offered or provided any compensation.

Book Review: Divorce & Remarriage: A Redemptive Theology, by Rubel Shelly

Divorce & RemarriageIt’s not often I have a major shift in my theology, but it does happen. When it comes to the oh-so-controversial-and-convoluted-subject of marriage-divorce-&-remarriage, there are a number of systems that have been constructed through the centuries to explain various interpretations of what Jesus and Paul have to say about it in the New Testament. Up until a few days ago, I had already shifted my thinking a couple different times; however, no matter how seemingly logical the legal constructions fit together in my mind, nothing has set well with what I read elsewhere in Scripture as to how they fit with the heart of God.

For the past ten years, I have not been a part of a church, either in general membership or leadership, where there has not been a messy, or at least very uncomfortable, dealing with people who found themselves in the middle of trying to figure out what to do with their marriage, divorce, and potential for remarriage. I’ve often heard from those older than I that this is a growing concern in the church; however, I believe it’s simply that we become more and more aware of these difficult situations the older we get—things were always better back in the “good ol’ days,” whether that be when we were toddlers, teens, middle-aged, or what have you…or so they say. Though I’ve had discussions with many about my beliefs and interpretations of Scripture, something always kept me from speaking from some position of authority (ha!) to those I thought may be “in sin” when it came to my interpretations of Jesus and Paul on this subject. I either felt God holding me back and keeping me from speaking, or scheduled meetings simply didn’t happen for a number of reasons. I am so thankful they didn’t!

I come from a rather legalistic and “rule book” approach to Scripture, and looking for those legal systems is still a temptation, which isn’t to say that systematic theology is a bad thing! In my late college days I began to pray more, listen to God, and do my best to stay out of the way of the Spirit’s leading in my life. That has been the foundation of how I have since approached Scripture and my life. Those who know me can attest to the changes and far-off places to which that approach led! Once I began graduate work in theology, my academic endeavors were kept in check with my reliance on the Spirit, without which I could very easily jump right back into a purely “do and don’t” mentality on how to use Scripture. The deeper I leaned into God, the more these divorce and remarriage systems disturbed me, but I could not see what Jesus and Paul had to say any differently than how I’d been approaching them for decades prior.

Jumping to the present, my wife (Delana) and I recently moved to the greater Denver area where we believe God led us. We first visited back in January (2015) for an interview Delana had at a local university. We decided to spend a little of our own money to stick around for a couple more days so that we could get to know the area a little bit. One of our biggest desires was finding a church we could immediately plug into and glorify God through serving others. We had several recommendations, and had planned on visiting one in Denver proper—we only had time to visit one church on Sunday morning, so we wanted to make it count! Around 10:00 PM the Saturday before, getting ready to go to bed, I told Delana, “I think we’re supposed to go to [a particular Church of Christ].” Both of us were shocked by what I’d said because I’d not planned on going back to another denominational congregation, and she didn’t have the most pleasant experience with the CoC since learning about it and visiting a few after meeting me. We both felt a bit nervous about it, but I believe it’s where God wanted us to be. So, we followed. It was the best experience at any church we’ve ever had. We were welcomed warmly and joyfully, prayed with, immediately included, and encouraged. One of the ministers and a married couple kept in touch from that point until we moved to CO on June 29, and then we had breakfast at the minister’s house the next morning. Just awesome.

We were immediately plugged into different ministries and Bible studies, and began growing closer to several families in the church—we still haven’t even been here two months! In July I attended an information session about the church and what they expected from those who wanted to be “members.” Delana was out of town that weekend for work. At the beginning of this session one of the ministers, out of a desire to be transparent and wanting others to be the same, told us of his past marriage, his infidelity, and subsequent divorce and a host of other consequences. After fifteen years of celibacy, he remarried just a few months ago. The elders and the rest of the church fully supported him in this. I’d never seen that in a CoC, and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I knew what I wanted to do with it, but not sure what I was supposed to do with it. This is where Delana and I truly believe God wants us. Our move to CO for her job and our coming to this church was purely a decision by faith, not by sight (we’re still trying to work it out financially!). When Delana returned, I gave her the bullet points of the meetings and shared with her the minister’s story. “What are we going to do?”

The minister and I had a few things to discuss anyway, so we set a time for earlier this week. There was much prayer beforehand, and when the time came we had a loving, nonjudgmental, brotherly conversation about how he read Scripture concerning divorce and remarriage and from where we both came. After going through every passage in the New Testament and looking at context from the Old Testament, I felt a peace about his conclusion that I’d never had before. Things clicked and I felt like God had lifted a weight from my shoulders that had been hanging there for over ten years.

It’s important to understand that he held this position before things went sour in his first marriage. This isn’t a case of someone subsequently trying to find justification for selfish desires in Scripture thereafter. In fact, he’d never planned on marrying again, but had a similar “God put us together” story with his current wife that Delana and I share.

So, what does all of this have to do with a book, let alone a book review? Context! When I first asked for the minister’s perspective on divorce and remarriage, he reached over to his bookshelf, pulled out Rubel Shelly’s Divorce & Remarriage: A Redemptive Theology, and said, “This is what I believe.” Of course, we didn’t read the book right then and there (he did read a few pages in conversation), but I did borrow it and read it over the next couple of days. I’d already been convinced by our conversation to change my perspective on the subject, but I wanted see what this book had to say, since it was likely going to be added to my library and recommended to others if it had anything to do with what we discussed! And it’s wonderful: full of love and compassion, and with no lack of scholarship and “sound” reading of Scripture. It includes the meat of the text (setting up context and addresses all necessary Scripture references for the subject, peppering a number of “what would you do?” narratives in mix the to help the reader think through these things), a lengthy question & answer section (he asks himself many of the questions he’s heard in the past and answers them well), and two brief letters, one to those who have been divorced and one to church leaders.

I highly recommend this book, especially to those who find themselves in any sort of church leadership position so that we do not continue to heap more burdens on people with whom we have no right to so do. Read with an open mind and heart toward God, and get ready for a life changing moment. It can happen.

To all those I’ve oppressed in the past regarding their divorce and remarriage, I ask for your forgiveness. We are always called to reconciliation, and that is what we first desire in any relationship, especially a marriage. We do live in a fallen world, and bad things happen. Let us continue from there in love, grace, and mercy. Lord, forgive us and grant us that capacity for one another. Amen.

Book Review: The Argument-Free Marriage: 28 Days to Creating the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted with the Spouse You Already Have, by Fawn Weaver

The Argument-Free MarriageWhen I first saw Fawn Weaver’s The Argument-Free Marriage: 28 Days to Creating the Marriage You’ve Always Wanted with the Spouse You Already Have available for review, I thought, “Sure.” But then I remembered thinking the same thing about Brant Hansen’s book Unoffendable: How Just One Change Can Make All of Life Better (my review here),and it was (is!) brilliant (I’ve already sent out copies and recommended it on numerous occasions). If you get nothing else from this review, I hope you walk away remembering this: go buy Brant’s book because it is a foundation-changing premise that will likely help long before seeing any change while going through The Argument-Free Marriage. Now, back to the book at hand.

The foreword is written by Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, and basically says we are incomplete unless we are married. Granted, the unmarried are not the primary target audience of this book, but I still think this is a poor approach. Strike one.

In the first chapter (really an introduction), Weaver writes that she and her husband have never had an argument in twelve years of marriage. In chapter 3 (Day 2) she eventually defines “argument” for the reader: “The definition I most often use is the same one that will appear at the top of your screen if you type the term into Google: ‘an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one.’ It is the latter portion of that definition that I truly believe can be avoided” (18). If this is her foundation, then she must be working with a relative timespan before she stamps something as an argument, which is just long enough to exclude the experiences she shares in the book (pages 134–35 demonstrate the most obvious example of a definable argument had by the happy couple who claim they’ve never argued). Weaver and her husband probably have a very happy marriage and argue much less than anyone they’ve ever met, but given what she’s written about their relationship, I certainly don’t believe in the pristine claim. I’d much rather read someone who’s honest about these things. Strike two.

Jumping back to when I first saw the title and remembered reading Unoffendable, I thought my wife and I could give this book a go since we do argue—we’re human. After getting through the first three chapters, we realized this was not going to be very practical (it won’t fit into 28 days—Day 10 could take months just trying to find couples to imitate!) and seemed to be a bit hokey. However, I accepted the book in exchange for a review, so I carried on. This is no 28-day fix as it claims. Strike three.

The final week is nothing more than a Dave Ramsey fest. That’s not necessarily bad, but none of the chapters deal with how to not argue, though finances are a common source of arguing. Again this doesn’t really fit the 28-day challenge, and can’t. Strike four.

Though I do no doubt that Weaver loves God (she expresses it a couple times and regrets yelling at God instead of her husband in Day 16), the approach in this book is not to glorify God, but to love your spouse first above all else (174). Praying or meditating (distraction from getting heated) and tithing to a church or charity (simply giving away money) apparently perform magic and will keep you from ever having an argument or financial trouble. This will surely broaden the potential buyers market, but I can’t imagine sharing these points as so presented. Strike five.

Okay, so I just kept going with the strikes. You get no sport analogy from me—especially not baseball! (Doh! Did that just count?) My point is that it’s just not something I would recommend. Can it be helpful and beneficial? Absolutely! There’s some good stuff in here about keeping your cool, being a good listener, communicating well, setting boundaries, and, most importantly, loving one another. There’s just nothing new and sits on a dishonest premise. And…Weaver mentions her first book and blogging community in almost every chapter like a bad promo.

 

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”